Being Dad

by Serge Brown

4/10/08

On The Bubble

When a child enters the 16- to 18-year-old age group, I call it being “on the bubble.” These important years set the stage for adulthood and determine whether they will continue making child decisions or adult decisions in their grown-up life.

This is the age when they are transitioning from childhood to adulthood. Our sons and daughters have the legal right to a driver’s license and may be allowed the freedom to stay out late on a school night. At one end of the bubble their voice can now be counted in the voting process, and at the other end these young adults push the boundaries of personal expression and freedom from parental control. This is how we humans grow.

When my mother was on the bubble in the 1950s she had already had years of working hard on the farm. She told stories of getting up at the crack of dawn to milk cows before going to school, then finishing the day with field work and household chores. With the Depression and wars still fresh in everyone’s minds, she experienced many of the hardships of the times, thus learning the often grave difference between making an adult decision or a child’s one.

Even in the mid-1970s life was not so kind and comfortable to the “bubbles” as it is for the majority of young adults today.

I make this point in order to shine a light on the ever-growing need our children have, especially the “on the bubble” set, to learn  to make adult decisions in place of child decisions while they’re still living at home and have the advantage of parental guidance.

An adult decision is often the hard decision, the one that is best in the long run. It takes courage sometimes and understanding at other times. Adult decisions solve the tough problems and can take a bit more thought. They are made with a goal in mind and do not only focus on the “ME.”

A child decision is the easy one. It satisfies instantly and consequences or long term effect are given little or no thought. This is the total “ME” decision that is quick and selfish.

Here is the unfortunate side effect of our times. The hardboiled life my mother and her generation shared caused them to have to make adult decisions from an earlier age up through the “On the Bubble” years. This made for a safer, more responsible society. However, today we do not have that.

Our children are entering the “bubble” with little or no understanding of why they shouldn’t just eat candy for breakfast or not text while they drive. There is little thought of the implications of their actions because they have yet to be held accountable for them.

Kids like candy so they eat candy, but sugar is the leading cause of depression, diabetes, heart disease and obesity. The adult decision, of course, is to eat healthy and limit the sweets, but modern society has become the poster child of instant gratification. We’re faced with a daily onslaught of advertisements that reinforce the mindset: “it’s good to make the child decision; it will make YOU feel good NOW.”

I believe that by creating a positive adult decision learning environment during the “on the bubble” years, our young men and women will greatly benefit.

Here are some suggestions.

• Have them on a regular chore routine. They do their own laundry, keep their room clean, help with the household every day and make dinner at least once a week.
• Encourage them to make healthy diet choices. They should understand the severe damage that pop, energy drinks, fast food and sugar do to their skin, hair, internal organs and even their brains. You are what you eat!
• Help them make a couple of longer term (2 to 3 years) goals and reach them.
• Volunteering on a regular basis will teach them the value of thinking about the needs of others.
• Do not just give them a cell phone, car or extra freedom; allow them to earn those benefits (both to obtain them and keep them).
• Foster an ongoing dialogue about the decisions they are making.
• Discuss the future and the decisions your young adult will face. (i.e. college, career, family)
• Daily exercise will teach the benefits of doing something they might not like but is good for them.
• Let them make their own decisions and enforce the consequences completely if they mess up. This is how our sons and daughters will learn that the easy, selfish decision can come with a price.
• 10. Praise them when they make the hard decision… the adult decision.

Good luck and if you have any questions or comments please send them to me at sergebrown@verizon.net.