Fall used to mean it was time to turn on your TV again. But thanks to reality programming and cable originals, the idea of the September-to-May TV season seems antiquated. So I naturally chose an evening in September to write an article about the new TV season. Only the first paragraph and I'm already contradicting myself. Oh well, let's just see what's new.

Speaking of things that are antiquated, the "shot in front of a live studio audience" sitcom has long been on death's door. While I welcome the demise of the show that tells me when to laugh, I still wanted to check out CBS's "$#%! My Dad Says," because the concept of William Shatner spewing bile for 22 minutes sounded glorious. The pilot, however, is disappointingly saccharine, especially for a show that has to censor its own title. The writing is riddled with the worst sitcom clichés, and the few bits that work are nowhere close to laugh-out-loud funny.

Not much better is NBC's "Outsourced." Based on the film of the same name, it's the story of a call center manager (Ben Rappaport) who's sent to India when his company closes up shop in America. The first few minutes seem promising enough, but the culture clash concept gets dull fast. Plus it's the sort of show that screams, "Look how plucky and quirky we are!" which is just grating.

Next is CBS's surprisingly good pilot for the remake of "Hawaii Five-O." It's the sort of cop show that has no pretense of being realistic or gritty. All it wants is to entertain us with glossy superficiality and likeable characters. It succeeds--and even when the phrase, "Book him, Danno," pops up, it doesn't come off as smugly winking at the audience.

As for returning shows, NBC's "The Office" is still pretty good, but I sincerely hope that they close Dunder-Mifflin after this season. Steve Carell's contract is up and he's already announced he won't be back. It would be nice if a show bowed out gracefully for once. Don't count on it, though.

On FX, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is back for season 6. Like "The Office," it's still good but it just feels like it's content to do the same thing it's been doing all along. You can say 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it,' but when it comes to a TV show in its sixth season, I'd say it's spinning its wheels.

AMC's "Mad Men," meanwhile, is certainly not content to spin its wheels. Season 4 is nearing its end and the show's probably the best it's ever been. There's more dark humor, real emotion, and deeper character development as the show has raised the bar for itself.

NBC's "Chuck" is back for season 4 and while the premiere was decent, it really kicked into gear in episode 2, thanks in no small part to the return of comic sidekicks Jeff and Lester.

Finally, there is BBC America's "Top Gear," which, even in its 15th season, is a blast whether you're a "petrol head" or you're like me and know almost nothing about cars. The show's three hosts, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May, are articulate and charismatic yet unafraid to be middle-aged boys who just want to have fun. Whether they're racing across Europe or building their own vehicle named the Hammerhead i Eagle Thrust, it is endlessly entertaining.

All of which may explain why I'm wary of the upcoming American imitation that will inexplicably air on the History Channel.

Comments? Suggestions? Discuss your favorite movies and TV shows with Bob at [email protected].